Interviewnama

When Nilendu Chattopadhyay passed out of college, he had no idea what to do with his life. Surprisingly enough, his grandfather's cousin suggested that he should look out for a job. Nilendu was taken aback for this meant giving an interview to some fat man with a bushy moustache. Such men were a nightmare for Nilendu. He somehow gathered all the guts he had and applied for a job. He assured himself that if he could manage through those engineering vivas, this would be nothing.

A few weeks later he received a mail from TMKC IT Consultants. It was titled 'Call for Interview'.

He was happy to be short listed for the interview, after all his 27 page CV had finally paid off.

He conveyed this to his grandfather's cousin, who, as a token of appreciation, gave him a Melody chocolate. Chewing his chocolate, Nilendu soon escalated to cloud nine and started imagining how his first day at work would be. Soon, realty struck him and he was back on earth. He had lots of preparation to do before his first job interview.

He started off with doing research about this company and found out that most of the top officials were pro Congress and in fact loved discussing politics in their free time. 

Nilendu quickly bought all the print media available in the market and started memorising every detail about the Congress. He also joined a local Congress club that met every evening to discuss national issues over Cheetos and Pepsi. He also watched about 6969 videos on Sonia and Rahul Gandhi.

This happened for quite a few days until the D-day arrived. It was also Rahul Gandhi's birthday that day! Nilendu was following Rahul's birthday celebrations on twitter very closely. Soon he reached the TMKC headquarters.

Nilendu was in the best of his clothes. A tuxedo sure made him look dapper but his 29 day old beard topped with running nose was like cherry on the cake. He didn't have to wait much before he was called inside.

Nilendu entered with a smile that could melt any girl's heart. The nameplate read Gopinath Badbade.

Mr. Gopinath was, as expected, a stout man with a moustache so bushy that an ostrich could lay eggs in it! What followed next was the best interview of Nilendu's life.

GB: Good Morning, Nilendu.

NC: Good Morning, Sir. HashtagPappuDiwas

GB: What?

NC: Sir, Pappu Diwas Sir. It's Rahul baba's birthday!

GB: Hmm. Please sit down.

NC: Yes Sir. Than you Sir.

GB: Ok, tell me something about yourself.

NC: Good morning to one and all present here. I believe this is of immense pride and honour that today I am going to tell you about myself on my behalf. I am Nilendu Chattopadhyay and I've just completed my engineering. Since a very young age I have been passionate about politics and football. I am a supporter of Congress and I believe Rahul Gandhi will bring about the change this nation wants to see because in my opinion, women empowerment is the single most important thing today. Women empowerment will help uplift the face of the nation in the global economic market and with the help of MNREGA scheme I'm sure we will soon address the unemployment crisis in the USA. This will also bring the rupee and dollar to the same level and thus reduce the cost of iPhones in India. This, in turn, will eradicate Apple's corporate hypocrisy, if that is even a thing! HashtagPappuDiwas.

GB: Err. Ok. Well, what are your hobbies? You said you liked football.

NC: Yes Sir, football is my life. I played football in school and I was the best in my pol. I think it means area, or something like that. It's a Gujarati word but I don't like Narendra Modi. Sir, he's murderer. I don't like people who kill people, bloody killers. HashtagPappuDiwas.

GB: You needn't end your sentences with that. I'd rather you stop it, please.

NC: Yes Sir, sorry Sir.

GB: Ok, tell me where do you see yourself in 10 years from now?

NC: 10 years!!

GB: Yes, you must've thought about your future right?

NC: Oh future plans? Sir, in 10 years I hope that I marry some very hot girl like Mila Kunis or somebody like that and I want to have 2-3 different kids with her. Then I will start textile business and with the profits I earn, I will start a wine shop!

GB: That, was not what I wanted to hear. This was totally unexpected and coming from a young and, per se, educated person like you. Nevertheless, I believe that is the best you can come up with considering the petty state of intellect that you harbour.

NC: Sir, what?

GB: Nothing. Mr. Nilendu, I don't think we can hire you now. Thank you for coming.

NC: No Sir don't do this to me, please. I have a wife and two small kids to feed. Please think about them. What will they do if I don't have a job. Sir please!!

GB: What rubbish is this. You're yourself a child. Stop this nonsense thing about wife and all, you're 21 and obviously you're not married. For god sake, just leave.

NC: Sorry Sir, I forgot. I'll do whatever you want, just tell me and I'll do it.

GB: Leave?

NC: No no. Sir Jay Maharashtra, Jay Hind, Hindu-Muslim bhai bhai. Sir, I love Congress and I... I also love you you!!

GB: What rubbish is this. Just get the hell out of here!

NC: (Getting up from his chair with a heart full of agony and despair) MUJHSE NAFRAT KARNE WALO, JANTA MAAF NAHI KAREGI !!